Quatervois

I suppose today was the tipping point,  that bucket full of things I push aside had just gotten to full. Sometimes you're so busy trying to not be overwhelmed it just hits you all at once. Usually right when you have a quiet moment the think. I should be thankful days like this go as quickly as the come, but I just can't grasp it right now. The weight can make it hard to focus when you're carrying someone else's pain and all of this blame coming from faces you don't even recognize. I still think it's weird that someone who has never known me, hates me so very much.
I just want to be a great mom and a good person. This idea of being a woman who does not have trust issues,  insecurities, and a general fear of letting someone in is beyond appealing. 
I know how if feels to have someone simply walk out of my life after making myself vulnerable. Why the hell would my heart crave to let someone in like that again? Yet it does. I know there are so many people out there trying to understand the same thing about themselves,  I hope they have found someone to ease the anxiety and look at them with a light in their eyes that let's them know they are beautiful. That would really be something.

For now I'm making plans for Fall.  I want the girls to feel happy and free. I also want to get them back into a schedule and to a healthier lifestyle.  More cooking, more exercise,  definitely more learning. Our little trio needs to remember how strong we are.  Even on the hard days we are growing and we have each other.