Querencia

When we met I could have never predicted that I would be standing in front of you like this, but I think that's part of the adventure.
The last two years of knowing you have been most beautifully chaotic  months and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
With you I have found companionship and a love deeper than I have ever known.
I remember feeling so tired before you came into my life, but you changed my perspective so quickly.
We have experienced highs and lows, & with all of these memories we've made  it's clear to me that I never want to be without your presence, laughter, and love.
I promise:
I will be here to support you, believe in you and cheer you on every day.
When you forget how much you have,  I will be here to remind you how lucky we are.
I will keep your feet warm with mine at night.
I will be here to care for you when you're sick.
I will stand outside the bathroom door on those late nights after you've had one to many.
I will be the finder of keys, wallets, and you,  if ever you feel lost.
I will be faithful to you,  because you are who my eyes search for when I walk into a crowded room.
Your cup will never be empty, your path will never be lonely, and you will never feel unloved because I will be here to hold your hand.
I love you purely and with my whole heart.
& with you I have everything I could ever need.

peel out

that moment I saw myself in the mirror
and recognised my reflection
seconds before you tore me into
a million pieces.
words leaving behind a poison
and me with no antidote
alone in bed with the gut wrenching pain
of no longer knowing my worth
for me when things come together
it's usually so it can fall apart
the silence alone is unbearable
the feeling of not owning my body is
unreal

Rush

She stood on the precipice
Flight or
Acceptance.
Would this be the end
Settling for half love.
Someone who doesn't only see her.
She is inspiring, truly something to behold
Strange that he didn't see her for who she is
On the ledge she looked different than before
Fearless but terrified
Like she had a secret deep inside
Toes teasing the edges wind in her hair
She was right there but already at the bottom
He was watching her
To far to make a move
He had all but pushed her over the edge
Someone so beautiful made a mess look appealing
To save her would be to selfless
Until he realized she didn't want to be saved
When it was apparent she welcomed the jump
Bittersweet freedom wasn't what he thought it would be
Gone

1 2 3

Quiet murmur of some pointless show
The room is cold but the fan is on
Anything to drown out my own thoughts. 
Your things where you left them
Untouched. 
This bed feels huge but my body feels
small, like there isn't enough room for what I'm feeling.
Trying to get through the hours
To know what happens next.
I shouldn't be alone. 

Daze

Waking up to stand over the sink
My body heaving nothing into the drain
Catching glances of sad eyes in the mirror.
I want to reach across the bed and tug at your arm, I feel sick.
You would tiredly wrap me up muttering something about going to sleep.
Your side is taken up by a blonde little girl who wouldn't understand.
So I just lay awake hoping it passes soon.
For every moment of calm there's a flash of pain like my brain is remembering you're gone.
I want to talk to my best friend because everything hurts but I guess that's part of the problem.
So I just carry around the pain.
Force the smiles,  saves the tears for my drive home.
This is getting by.

atoms cause friction

She is the problem you can't quite solve.
She is the to-do list you just couldn't finish.
She is the scent that lingers on your clothes that you think is detergent.
She is the feeling when you get in the car after a long day at work.
She is coming home.
She is the soft music in the restaurant, where you wait for someone new.
She is the warmth in the morning keeping you in bed.
She is the loss when you turn over alone.
She is a ghost.
She is the after thought to them all.
forever present.
forever just out of reach.
but forever reaching.
hand never touching.
but you can still feel her.

Mirror Mirror

In my mind you are gentle.
Taking me in your arms in a way that says you won't let go.
In my mind you are passionate, still after all this time.
In my mind I am addicted to your presence, your touch, and the idea of you.
In reality you are rough.
You do not express your feelings, when it comes to me.
Sometimes I wonder if you need me at all.
I still crave your company,  but am nervous to be an annoyance.
You mean so much to me.
Who am I to you?