Rough water

Today is a really bad day.

I just keep thinking about everything from
April until the end of June and just feel really lost. All the milestones don't feel good anymore. I feel like I wasn't really sharing them with anyone. Like I had unknowingly been swept under a rug, & any attention I was getting was just people walking over me. The life I thought I had wasn't real then, and all I do is question if it is now. I've felt such an extreme amount of love for the past four years and never wondered if it was returned. I just feel like I've gone on for three months naively accepting half of the love I was giving.
I feel empty.

It feels like I'm trying to breathe underwater.