I feel like this title should be curse words.

 I won't actually make the title tons off curse words because what if kids read this? 
Obviously I'm not being serious. All kids curse, I mean really. Anyways, in a nut shell (really weird expression) today was not any better than yesterday. It was probably 100x worse than yesterday. Today was just absolutely beyond ridiculously horrible. It knocked yesterday to the bottom of the crap list. :| Am I getting my point across here?
 The past few months have been heavy, like Pre-High School heavy. High School did suck though. I've been angry, sad, confused, back to angry, kinda wanted to do some terrible things to a terrible person which are totally deserved but I can't live without my shows in a jail cell. Today started off as one of those emotional days, fighting days, giving up on everything days. Now I'm just kind of amused. On the verge of hysterically amused by the situation that is my life in the present moment. 

 I got pregnant with my second child, I worked my ass off to get where I am by giving up things and supporting my husband through school, and his tight work schedule, I put 110% into my very few relationships because I actually value friendship in the midst of a mass superficial society we live in. My husband had an affair. WHOA WHAT? yeah that happened. I know right? What woman is sitting around thinking "yeah my husband would totally do that" and is ready to deal with it? Uhhhhh I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say none. & everyone has something to say on how to deal with it. Which isn't a bad thing. But damn it can be overwhelming. I'm still the same person. I haven't changed at all.  

 Just so everyone is clear, I am still awesome. beyond awesome actually. Sad, Angry, Annoyed, and Confused, all of those are completely unrelated to how fucking great I am. When I look in the mirror I LOVE who I see, I have nothing to not love about myself.
I'm completely confident in my ability to pick up, move on, and  find someone else. BUT, I don't want anyone else. Not because I don't think I could, or because I'm afraid. Because damnit I'm in love. & he loves me too. I know he loves me because I know our past, are we going through hell? Totally and sometimes I feel like I'm walking through totally bare foot. My feet look good though, like I just had a pedicure good. 



I'm going to be okay. So thanks for this. Hope you're as happy as you're pretending :)